Chapter Text
The morning lessons crawled by at a painfully slow pace. They had hoped they could try to approach Eren during class, but the boy was completely engrossed in the lessons. He listened carefully to every word coming out of the teachers’ mouths, taking notes diligently. It appeared that achieving top grades was all that mattered in his life at that moment. The familiar fire in his eyes, the one his old friends recognized, burned brightly.
The others felt a sense of relief; their Eren, the one they remembered, seemed to have returned. Yes, Eren of the 104th was finally back. With his relentless drive and determination, his sparkling green eyes and his messy brown hair. Working hard in school just like he worked hard during training.
Unlike him, someone else could barely pay attention to class, that day.
Yes, their Eren was finally back. But a dark haze clouded Mikasa’s heart and mind. He was back, but for how long? When was the world going to snatch him away again? Depriving him of his joy and light?
Part of her wanted to glue herself to him and never let him go to prevent that from happening. But she knew Eren never liked being smothered in their past life. In fact, he detested it. She couldn't help it back then, it was a dangerous world and she wasn't risking losing him.
That sense of protectiveness remained, it followed her to this new life. But this life was a lot more quiet, a lot safer than their previous one. Eren didn't need to be protected, still, the fear something could have happened to him didn't leave Mikasa alone.
How was she supposed to approach him? She yearned to be his friend, to be close to him. But how could she let her old overprotective habits die? How could she be close to him without ending up suffocating him with her attention?
“Ackerman, stop spacing out and pay attention!” The teacher’s thundering voice scared her out of her thoughts.
“I-I’m sorry Professor Keith…” She stuttered. She lowered her head over her notebook and decided not to look at Eren for the rest of the lesson. Seeing her so disheartened, Armin started writing a little note. While the teacher wasn’t looking, he quickly put the crumpled piece of paper on her desk;
It’s okay, Mikasa. We’re going to talk to Eren at lunch! 😊
Mikasa felt a sharp sting in her chest. The scenario felt too familiar. It felt like just after the attack on Liberio; they hadn't seen Eren in months, all they wanted was to simply talk to him face to face. But when it finally happened, when the two of them found themselves sitting across the table from him, nothing went as they had hoped. Nothing.
Armin clearly didn't share her fears, the anguish of the past didn't follow him like they did her. Mikasa wondered how the blond could remain so hopeful, he even ended his little note with a smiley face. She wished she could borrow some of his best friend's optimism. But all her hopes had vanished the moment Eren looked at her like she was a stranger.
*
Lunchtime had arrived at last. As it was a beautiful sunny day, numerous students opted to eat outside. Mikasa and her friends too were seated on the grass, with their unopened bento boxes resting on their laps.
“There they are!” Connie said, pointing to Marco and Eren who had just stepped foot outside, bento boxes in hands as they engaged in a lively conversation.
“Okay, I’m going to ask them,” Jean said, getting up from the grass. Before he started heading for the two boys, he turned around to look at his friends. “Try not to look at him like he’s... you know. Especially you, Mikasa,” he advised them.
The girl puffed her cheeks, peeved but unprotesting. She knew she had to restrain herself, she couldn't just jump on Eren and pull him in the tightest hug, as she did with Sasha and the others when they met again. Their reunion was not going to be anything like she had imagined, and as much as she told herself she was fine with it, it just felt so unfair.
She just watched helplessly as Jean went to talk to the two boys.
“Hey, Marco! Hi Eren. Your name is Eren, right?” He asked. Of course, Jean knew quite well his name was Eren, but he liked to add a touch of realism to what was supposed to be their first encounter.
“Yeah,” The brunet said with a bright and friendly smile, “And you’re…?”
“Jean Kirschtein,” He introduced himself. Before he could say anything else, Sasha and Connie arrived, uninvited, to join the conversation.
“But friends call him horse face!” Sasha ruffled Jean's hair while both she and Connie pounced on him and hugged him from each of his sides.
“Oh shut up, potato girl!” He retorted.
“Don’t call her potato girl, Jeanny boy!” Connie exclaimed.
The three weren’t actually offended by the nickname exchange, they just used them to see what kind of reaction Eren would have. But the brunet was simply giggling while Marco cast him an apologetic look.
“Guys, you don’t mind if Eren joins us for lunch, right?” Marco asked, when the three were done bickering.
“I was actually about to invite him before these two doofuses showed up,” Jean said. Sasha and Connie stuck their tongues and made faces at him.
“Oh, that’s great! Isn’t it, Eren?” Marco said, but the brunet wasn’t even looking at them anymore. His gaze was far-off, looking at someone in the distance. His eyes light up, and the corners of his mouth curled in a faint smile.
“Excuse me guys, I need to talk to Professor Smith for a minute.”
“Oh, okay. Come sit with us when you’re done?”
“Sure!”
The blond professor was talking to a colleague, who walked away just as Eren caught up to him. As he was behind the Professor, he poked him on the shoulder with two fingers. When the man turned around, he was pleasantly surprised to find Eren and wore a bright smile.
Jean, Connie and Sasha looked at the scene, puzzled beyond comprehension. So did Armin and Mikasa, who had gotten up to join the others, and Marco. Well, wasn’t Eren full of surprises? Not only he already knew Marco, but he also already knew Professor Smith. It seemed like the only people he didn’t know in this life, were them.
“He seems to be well acquainted with the Professor,” Armin commented, hoping to get some more information out of Marco.
“He’s like a mentor to Eren. I don't know much except for what he told me, but I know he helped him being reinstated at school, y’know with documents and all that bureaucratic stuff.”
“Reinstated?” Armin was puzzled.
“Yeah, he had to drop out of school a year ago. I won’t give you guys the details since it’s his personal life, but he managed to catch up to more than a year of school in just a few months. He studied so hard you wouldn’t believe it.”
Oh, but they did. They knew better than anyone just how stubborn and dedicated Eren was to his causes.
“Hey Marco, how do you know him?” Jean asked, curiosity devouring him. It was the question Mikasa didn't dare ask, but was dying to know the answer just as much as the others.
“I met him at cram school," the boy explained.
“You never mentioned him to us before.” Mikasa didn't mean for her tone to sound so accusatory, but when the words left her mouth it was already too late.
“I wanted to introduce you guys before, but Eren was always studying and I didn't want him to feel obliged to hang out and neglect it. Finishing high school is very important to him.”
“I can tell, he didn’t stop taking notes for one second this morning,” Armin commented. This new studious side of Eren thrilled him, he was already imagining the two of them studying together.
While waiting for Eren and Professor Smith to be done talking, the group went to sit on the grass.
“Guys, I need to ask you just one thing,” Marco said, lowering his tone of voice. “Don’t ask Eren why he had to leave school, okay? It’s a pretty delicate situation, he might not be ready to share it with all of you yet.”
It was fair, though the mystery made them all curious.
“Do you know about it?” Mikasa asked with the same tone as before, even if she tried to contain herself. She couldn’t help it, she knew it wasn’t Marco’s fault, but the thought that he was closer to Eren than she and Armin were just made her blood boil.
“We’ve been studying together for months, I was the only friend he had. Of course he told me.”
Mikasa felt guilt and shame for her previous behavior pervading her. She only thought about how she felt, when she should’ve been grateful that Eren had at least a friend to help him with whatever he had been going through.
Once Eren joined the group on the green grass, he sat between Marco and Armin, the spot the two boys had kept for him. Everyone from the group still had to open their bento boxes.
“I’m sorry guys, you didn’t have to wait for me to start eating," Eren said.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Sasha of all people reassured him.
Connie stared at her with a dumbfounded face. “Who are you and what have you done with Sasha?”
“Oh c’mon! I’m just being nice to the new guy!”
“Don’t expect this courtesy from her again,” Armin murmured to Eren, with a chuckle. “I’m Armin, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Guys, don’t you think you should introduce yourselves too?” Jean said.
“Oh right! I’m Connie.”
“I’m Mikasa. Nice to meet you.”
“And I’m Sasha!”
“Be careful with this one, she likes food a bit too much and she’s always hungry,” Connie warned him.
“Hey!”
“So Eren, where are you from?” Armin asked.
“Shiganshina, originally. I’ve been in a lot of places in the last years but moved here just a year ago.”
"Shiganshina, huh? There used to be a big Wall there, right?"
"You mean Wall Maria?"
Eren didn't seem to have an especially interesting reaction at the mention of the Wall he so detested in his past life. Still, they were all hanging from his lips. Armin had posed the right question, if they wanted to find out anything, listening to his next words was crucial.
"Yeah. There used to be one surrounding Trost too, but there's nothing left of it," Armin continued, hoping to get more out of him, "I was wondering if Shiganshina was different?"
"People always ask me that when I tell them I'm from Shiganshina, but no, there's nothing left of it. If we didn't know that from history books, you'd never know there was ever a wall there. Although there was this crazy old lady in my neighborhood, who swore she had a piece of the wall."
"Really?"
"Yeah! She showed it to me and my mom once. It looked like an ordinary piece of concrete to me. But even if it was true, the government wouldn't let her keep it, it rightfully belongs in a museum."
Eren's tale was interesting, even if the slightest bit disappointing. He was genuine in his retelling, he was just an ordinary boy who used to live in a town that was theatre to historical events he wasn't a part of. Or to say it better, he didn't remember being a part of it. It was another life. One that had nothing to do with his current one.
Jean looked at Mikasa. Her eyes were fixated on her food, resembling a forlorn kitten. It seemed she had come to accept that Eren didn't remember. He didn't recall their shared experiences, the trials they had endured together, or the world that had existed before their own. But that was okay, Eren was once again with them after all. Jean just needed to make her understand that, to make her look at the bright side. He needed to talk to her as soon as he had a chance to be alone with her.
"Shiganshina's a beautiful town," Mikasa said, suddenly pervaded by nostalgia. "How come you had to move out?"
Eren was taken off-guard. Armin could tell by the way he paled that he wasn't expecting such a question. Marco looked at Mikasa with eyes that were disappointed rather than reproachful.
"Uhm... people go where the job is, y'know. But yeah, Shiganshina's a beautiful city. Have you ever been there, Mikasa?"
Eren was smooth with words, but the fact he changed the subject as soon as he could didn't go unnoticed by Armin and Jean.
"Yeah, I've been there with my parents once..." It wasn't a lie. Mikasa's parents had brought her to Shiganshina once when she was little, where she had hoped she'd meet Eren again. But the boy and his family had probably already moved out of town.
"So Eren, do you like Trost?" Sasha asked him.
"Yeah, I mean it isn't anything like Shiganshina, but I like it here," he answered. Something told Armin he wasn't being completely honest.
"I'm sorry, I hope we aren't being too nosy," the blond kid apologized.
“Nah, it's okay,” Eren told them, with a reassuring sweet smile. Had Eren’s smile always been this radiant? The Eren standing in front of them now was so full of life. He was reborn, literally, in every way possible. His lips and cheeks were rosy, and his skin had a healthy glow to it. When was the last time they had seen him looking so happy? The Eren in their memories was pale, with dark circles and lines under his eyes. He was sad, tired and angry… and in his last days.
In any case, now they knew better than to take that smile for granted.
“So, are you guys in any club?” Eren asked.
"Me, Sasha, and Connie are in the gaming club," Jean said.
"Do you like video games, Eren?" Connie asked.
"I haven't played in a long time, but I used to like them," he replied.
"Grown out of it?"
"Well..."
Connie's question seemed innocent enough, but Eren was starting to sweat.
"He prefers outdoor activities!" Marco intervened, "Right, Eren?"
"Yeah..." Eren smiled at him.
"So I guess you won't be joining the book club either," Armin said, "Mikasa, Marco, and I are in it."
He realized too late how futile it must have been to include Marco in that list. Eren must've already known that.
“So, no one's in the drama club? I was thinking of joining it.”
Eren joining the drama club? They all thought it just made sense. Eren had always been a terrific actor after all. Seeing him put his skills to work on a stage instead of the battlefield was something they were all looking forward to seeing.
"Oh, you totally should join! With your looks, I'm sure you'll have a future in show business!"
Eren blushed at Armin's indirect compliment on his looks.
“No,” Mikasa said, and everyone turned to look at her. All the small hints they had dropped before didn’t work. They were way too sneaky. Mikasa knew they needed something more effective, and the opportunity had finally presented. “You shouldn’t join that club."
"Uh, why not?"
"Are you in a hurry to die? The drama club is the equivalent of social suicide," she concluded.
Marco’s eyes widened slightly. Eren laughed heartily.
“Wow, social suicide? Talk about drama!” He said and they all laughed. Mikasa forced herself to smile, but her last hopes had been shattered. "Anyway, I want to join the club just for fun, I have no interest in show business. I want to study to become a doctor."
"Like your da-A-OUCH!" Sasha's cry made everyone turn to look at her.
"Are you okay?" Connie was the first one to ask.
"I think something bit her," Jean said, side-eyeing her.
"Yeah, it was a mosquito. But not a normal one, I think it's one of those new breeds. The horse face mosquito," she snarled at the taller boy.
"I never heard of that one before..." Connie said with genuine wonder. Jean rolled his eyes.
Armin had to commend Jean for his quick thinking. Sasha almost slipped up, which only reminded Armin that they all needed to be careful now that they knew Eren didn't remember. Slipping up was easy, but finding a good excuse was a lot harder.
"So, a doctor huh? Do you already know what you're gonna specialize in?" Armin asked, deeply interested.
"I was thinking either obstetrics or endocrinology. But mainly, I'd like to work in the health research field."
"That sounds so cool," Armin was in genuine awe.
Now that they were living in a free world, everyone's true dreams and aspirations could come to the surface. Sasha wanted to open a restaurant, Mikasa wanted to be a fashion stylist, Armin wanted to be a marine biologist while the others still weren't sure. They had a whole life ahead of them after all. Yet Eren, just like in their previous life, had his goal clear.
A doctor, just like his father. He would have gone from taking lives in a war he never wanted to wage, to saving them.
The thought filled Armin with joy and pride.
*
Mikasa left the last class ten minutes before the bell rang. She needed some alone time to clear her thoughts. She washed her face at the fountain in front of the school, not caring that it would wash away her skillfully applied make-up. She needed to feel fresh water on her face, to wash away the tiredness of that day. It had been an emotional roller-coaster, seeing Eren again, having her hopes go up and down. All she wanted now was to go back home, have a nice shower, and then sleep for twelve hours.
"Hey," Jean's familiar voice called her attention.
"Hey," she said back. As much as she would have loved staying alone, Jean's presence was one of the few that wouldn't have bothered her in that moment.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I guess... it was just all too overwhelming," she said as they both sat down.
Jean looked at her dewy, make-up-free face. She always looked beautiful to Jean, but without make-up, her natural beauty just glowed.
"Mikasa, don't be sad Eren doesn't remember. He's still with us now, isn't that the most important thing? We can finally have a long, happy and normal life, all of us together. Think about everything that awaits us now, we'll be able to go to the cinema together, study together, take exams together... isn't that exciting?"
Mikasa smiled, whole-heartedly agreeing.
"Yeah, it is..."
"So who cares if he doesn't remember? Who cares about the past when the future holds nothing but great things?"
"Thank you, Jean. You always know how to cheer me up."
"You're welcome. And Mikasa...?"
"Yeah?"
"I want you to know... that if you ever want to know what could have been... I won't stop you. You are free."
Mikasa was caught by surprise. Their memories of their previous life were lucid up until the rumbling, then everything was hazy. But they did remember they were married, they did remember they had a few children together. But Mikasa and Jean had never talked about their feelings in this life. They were just fifteen, after all. Marriage and family was something they never thought about. Jean and Mikasa had always been close since they met again, but they weren't dating. They had never even talked about it. Was it finally time?
"Jean... I..."
"I mean it, it's a different life. I know you might want different things."
Mikasa already had all she wanted. Her parents were alive, and her friends were safe. There was nothing more she wanted at that point in her life. Romance was something she wanted eventually, but she had never thought in this life she and Eren could have a second chance.
"Jean... you were not my second choice, you know that, right?"
"It doesn't matter to me. I just want you to be happy."
Mikasa was moved to the point of tears. She buried her face in Jean's chest and started crying.
*
“So, what did you think of the others?” Marco asked Eren, on their way back from school.
“I like them, although that girl Mikasa looks at me funny."
"She's just shy. She may seem a bit aloof at first, but once you get to know her, you'll discover how amazing she truly is."
“I guess so.”
“I think you’ve made quite an impression on the first day. Most new students have this frightened, dumbfounded look on their faces, but you walked in happy and wearing a smile. People like that kind of confidence.”
Eren blushed and looked away shyly, “You think so?”
“Yeah! I can already tell you’ll be popular.”
“I don’t care about being popular. I just want to get good grades and make some friends.”
Marco chuckled, “I knew you were gonna say that.”
Eren had to admit, his first day at school was more than great—it was exceptional. He couldn't recall the last time he felt so unburdened, studying in class and eating outdoors with his new friends, all contributing to the normalcy of teenage life. He still couldn't believe how quickly he clicked with Marco's friend group, it was almost as if he had known them all his life. Even that girl, Mikasa, there was something comfortingly familiar in her strangeness.
Yet, amidst this newfound joy, his father's cautionary words echoed in his mind.
Doctor Grisha Jäger used to say it was no good to let one's guard down. That the worst could come when you least expect it.
“Hey, you alright? You spaced out all of a sudden," Marco said.
“I don’t know… I feel like everything’s going way too smoothly, and that something bad will happen soon…”
“Cheer up, Eren. Everything will be fine!" Marco reassured him, pulling him in a side hug. "And even if it won’t, you’ll always have me by your side. Me and the others.”
Marco tried to soothe his worries, and judging from Eren’s relieved smile, he had succeeded.
“Thank you, Marco.”
